Today, we’re gonna play a little game!
When was the last time you played truth or dare? I'm sure it was during a time when life was a whole lot simpler. A time when you just knew you had it all figured out. A time when you could not wait to be a StepMOM (wait, that probably never happened).
Since we are a bit older and live on the safer side, I have written five stepmom truths and only one dare.
TRUTH 1. You will be Rejected.
There is no shame in loving your StepKids knowing you will be rejected. This could be, but in many cases it is unintended. Being rejected by your StepKids is normal. Blended Families are not easy for parents to understand or process (let alone know how to behave during awkward or new situations). The same goes for the kids. They have Mom and they have Dad. How are they suppose to know how to fit you in as a parent?
"Dad picked you over mom. I can’t do the same…"
"You are not my mom…."
"You must be the reason my mom doesn't come to see me…"
These are just a few thoughts your stepchildren may reject you as a stepparent.
Truth 2: You will be left out.
Being out of the loop is sometimes just a part of the family dynamic. Your husband may give his Ex money whenever she asks. He may not think or feel the need to tell you every time it happens. If this is the way things were done before you got in the picture (even if it is dysfunctional), they will keep doing what they always have done. This is a result of your role not being defined yet as a StepMom to the family unit. It can get better with time and good communication.
Truth 3: You can't fix a family you didn't break.
YOU DID NOT BREAK IT!
No need to burden yourself in fixing what you did not break. On the other hand, you can work towards making sure this new family has bliss. You may not be able to keep your husband from missing his kids when they are not around. This is a reality he has to find a way to cope. You can support him with your efforts when the kids are at your house by creating enjoyable moments.
Truth 4: Most people will not get that StepParenting is just not that easy.
How many times have you been told that you need to do (fill in the blank, StepMom)?
People think we are the reason why being a StepMOM is so challenging. That we should have known what we were getting ourselves into when we entered a relationship with a "married man". I know he was single when you met him, but people seem to think second wives are the "other women", too. I didn't even bother putting that crap on the list.
You Control You
Truth 5: YOU are in control.
Cliché but true. Only YOU can only control YOU. That means your feelings, reactions, and actions. However, this will not fix others actions towards you. Just like you can’t control them, they can't control you. Let’s say your teenage StepKid decides not to come for their visits anymore because you don't allow cell phones at the dinner table. Without discussing it with you, your husband has removed this rule. How you chose to respond to your husband's actions is entirely under YOUR control.
Dare 1. Invest in a Stepmom Coach For Yourself.
Dare 1: Invest in a StepMom Coach For Yourself.
You don't have to do it alone! Get stepmom support with Blended Family Bliss. Being a Stepmom does not go away after they turn 18. Those issues or any damage to blended family relationships can result in unnecessary pain. Getting a coach will allow you to be able to handle the above five truths with grace and ease.
Which one of the five holds the most truth for you? Go on and do the dare!